Call My Name
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: Sometimes the only thing you need to recover is someone who can make you stop thinking about the past. Even if that attempt was accompanied by tears.


**Author Note**

Another one-shot Minna! Well, it just came to me like a flash after waking up few days ago. Less than an hour later, I started writing it. I wonder if it was a good idea, seeing as it doesn't make a lot of sense. Anyway, I wanted to write sth and the helped. Most of the story was flowing easily except the end maybe. So it maybe a bit forced end. I had to end it and didn't know how :) Regarding the title...let's say I wanted a title begins with "C" Crazy. I know.

**Disclaimer: Surely, I don't own Digimon. In case any of you do, please I'd like to borrow it for a while XD**

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**Call My Name**

Again, he had to stare at the blank walls around him. The stifling empty walls. Kouichi couldn't do anything more than examining his white surroundings. It had been a week since he was stuck there. A week after the stairs' accident. A week after everything had started. And ended.

He was perfectly fine or that what he insisted to tell himself. Doctors have other opinions though. Even if his survival was a miracle, they couldn't deny the possibility of further complexity. He hit his head really hard after all. Beside the headaches that were growing tenser forced him to be quite and to accept staying there mother was so worried about him so were Kouji and their friends. And their worry made him sad. And when he was sad, he thought about rather undesirable thoughts. Unfortunately such thoughts gave him headaches which make the doctors concerned as well as everyone else. It was a vicious circle. Without a beginning. Without an end.

The weather wasn't normal. They were at late summer anyway, however the night breeze was a bit chilling. Wrapped in the white blanket, he continued wondering. He wished for a book or a sketch so he could spend his time doing something productive but the doctors thought it would tire his eyes and mind so they prevented such things from approaching him. He didn't blame them but he was dying of boredom and loneliness. Loneliness was the cause of the darkness that tore his life. He would stay alone tonight. His mother was working a night shift so she wouldn't be visiting. Kouji had a school and he doubted he would come all the way to see him.

He hoped he was wrong.

He was scared to ask himself about the future. Nothing much had changed since their return. Kouji didn't say a thing about meeting his mother. He was sure that his younger twin didn't want to bother him by talking about that topic. Maybe he was just waiting for the right time. He, himself, didn't mention his father at all. A part of him was terrified that Cherubimon lies are build on some truth. Who knows maybe his father was content with his current family and didn't need him to disturb the warm familial atmosphere he had. What if he wasn't a good addition to Kouji's life? Just like how he wasn't a real presence back then in the Digital world. But he had saved the Digital world, right? He had been useful…important to Kouji and the two worlds then. His data was what the Legendary warriors needed to win the battle so he had helped them. Or at least that was what Takuya said.

But does it mean that the Digital world needed him dead to survive. If his death or disappearance was the solution for the light and Darkness problem then shouldn't he have been dead earlier?

He shook his head violently. The headache grew stronger, digging nails in his skull. He fought against himself desperately. That was not true. Otherwise the only value he had offered Kouji was his sacrifice. If he didn't sacrifice himself then all of them would have been dead. Kouji would have died. Kouji needed his spirits of Darkness then and he gave them to him. Gave him the only thing that was making him strong and noticeable. Without that strength, he was a normal, unfortunate kid. His body trembled at the thought. The thoughts were ganging against him. He felt himself collapsing on the bed. He didn't resist falling backward to lie there motionlessly, eyes wide-open. The thoughts grow darker. If the Digital world needed him dead to survive then Kouji's light needed his power to win. Needed him to die.

Why was he crying? That was ridiculous. Everything he was thinking about was mere assumptions. Too realistic theories.

But Kouji loved him. He had cried for him. He wanted him back. It was true that only shadows exist in the light presence. In Kouji's light, he was his shadow. He could never be the darkness that surround such pure light Yet hat light had saved him. It had taken what it needed but the light did everything it could to bring him back. Because the light wasn't using him. The light was completing him.

He closed his eyes. He needed to sleep even if he had slept more than usual these days.

'Kou…ichi! Nii-san?'

Opening his eyes slowly, he recognized the same eyes that had been tearful a week ago. The eyes that were begging him to wake up. To look at them.

He smiled. A sweet smile that softened Kouji's alarmed features. He had made him worried for sure. Lying on his bed without even bothering to cover himself with the tangled blanket under him must have been scary.

'The weather is cold at night.' Kouji whispered. It was a lame way to show his worry. But he really didn't want to shout at his brother for being careless. He had seen the unshed tears on his cheeks after all.

Kouichi's smile widened. It was less sadder than before. Now, it was full of love and a bit sheepish. He raised his arms like a child who wanted to be carried. And without a word Kouji knelt to hug him, accepting Kouichi's wrapped arms around his torso.

Less than a minute later, he was lying beside his elder twin. The blanket securely stretched over them. Their foreheads were almost touching. A soft blush stained their cheeks.

'I thought you wouldn't come.' A whisper started their talk. Their voices were gentle. Being so close to each physically like that didn't need loud or even neutral voices

'Neither did I.'

Kouichi chuckled when he noticed his brother's eyes trying to avoid him in slight embarrassment. It was amusing to watch his brother being shy and yet so courageous around him. He couldn't blame him though. He was just so glad that the borders between them were shattering gradually.

'And what had changed your mind?'

'I was…worried.'

'Sure you were. You are always worried.' Kouichi said with a small cat like smile.

'Give me one reason not to be.' Kouji replied a bit annoyed. He had every right to be worried over his elder twin, right? Scratch the word " elder" He couldn't truly accept it even if he was used to call the other with Nii-san lovingly.

The elder twin's smile faded slowly. His eyes imitated Kouji's attempts to avoid an eye contact. That didn't miss Kouji though.

He sighed, closed his eyes and scolded. 'You were thinking about what happened, right?'

Kouichi thought about mumbling an apologize but if he committed such a mistake, Kouji would be mad. There was nothing to be sorry about. He shouldn't apologize for mere thinking about something.

'What happened had happened. We can't change it. '

'But it is hard to accept it.'

'True.'

They were silent. Their breaths tingled each other delightfully. Breaking the somewhat comfortable silence, Kouji's arms found its way around his brother's back. Kouichi only smiled at the hug and lent to it.

'Yet, I can't accept your sacrifice there.'

Kouichi buried his face in Kouji's chest and murmured sorrowfully. 'But it was the only way. I had to do that.'

Kouji's embrace tightened suddenly, causing Kouichi to gasp. He felt his twin's body shaking.

'Kou…ji?'

I don't care. You let that monster take you from us…from me.' Kouji breathed in his ear with hardly controlled rage. Regret was there. And the balme the words suggested wasn't even visible in his tone.

'I am sorry.' He apologized because it felt suitable to apologize.'But the world needed that. The light needed darkness to win. It was the right choice. For everyone.'

'It wasn't!' Kouji cried and released him from his hug.

The short silence that followed was interrupted by Kouji who sat at the end of the bed. He was facing the wall stubbornly, prevtng his twin from seeing his facial expressions.

Kouichi joined his side and rested his head on his shoulder, his hair caressing the younger twin's neck. 'You said it. What happened happened. We can't take anything back so don't be angry.'

'I…I am not angry because of what happened.' Kouji's words were hoarse as if they were struggling against sobs.

'You still believe that the world wanted you dead to survive.' The tears were obevious now. The teardrops fell gently on Kouji's clenched fist. His body continued shaking violently. 'T-that my light…needed you to….to sacrifice.'

Kouichi shivered suddenly. The cold breeze that entered made him tremble even more. Kouji…Kouji knew?

Why didn't he expect it like he had expected him to understand. So when he wondered if he was thinking about what ahpepnd, he didn't mean Duskmon. He meant what he was truly thinking about.

No. He didn't want to hear that. It hurt enough to think about that. It killed him to have such sick thoughts. He sacrificed because he was supposed to. He ahted himself for blaming others for what happened even subconsciously. He was dead anyway. There was nothing there for him. He did it because he wanted to relieve his guilt over the evil he had done in the past. To release his heart from the confusion around his existence there.

He lifted his head from Kouji's shoulder, alarming Kouji immediately.

Should he apologize? Would a simple I am sorry fix things?

His mind was freezing just like how he experienced numb fingers after touching something cold. He could think of nothing. Reactions didn't found itsss path to his muscles. He sat there, eyes cast down.

'I am sorry.'

The words that he was speechless to utter were whispered in front of him. Slowly, he raised his head to look at his brother's midnight eyes. There were faint traces of shed tears down his brother's face.

'What do you mean?' He could hardly hear his own voice. Just then he realized the tears that were silently falling.

Kouji offered him a sympathetic smile. His fingertips wiped the tears gently. Kouichi's eyes were red from crying. His cheeks were tad rid. The tears stopped when Kouji mumbled in hesitiation. 'I…I don't know.'

Kouji sighed and placed his hands on his twin's shoulders. 'I shouldn't have talked about this. I wanted to since we came back but…I was scared.'

'Scared?'

'Yeah. It is not surprising to think about it, Nii-san.'

'It hurt.'

'I know. The others were worried about you as well. You hurt yourself when you think too much.'

Kouichi gazed at his hands sheepishly. Kouji was right. He was tiring himself by thinking and remembering everything that happened. His family and friends were worried over him. But it was hard to stop thinking when he could do nothing else.

'You know, your existence in my life is the most amazing gift the Digital World gave me.' Kouji said dreamily, offering an affectionate smile. 'I don't have to tell you that anyway. You know it, right?'

Kouichi nodded, a smile sneaking to his face.

'Will you try stop thinking about that for my sake at least? I deserve that much, ne?'

The smile became wider even if a bit embarrassed at the care he was getting. Kouji opened his arms and Kouichi allowed himself to be hugged.

'I love you, Kouji.'

Kouji smirked mischievously, unable to hide his embarassemnt. 'I know that baka. I love you too so stop beingn an idiot when I am not around to look after you.'

The door opened carefully. A young nurse smiled at the scene of the twins cuddling together. She coughed causing Kouji's face to become redder while Kouichi who wasn't facing the door to snuggle to his embarrassed twin.

'Visiting hours will end soon.' She chuckled girlishly before pointing out

Kouji's nodded in understanding. His face was as red as a tomato and he couldn't even undo the hug to release himself from the embarrassment.

The black-haired nurse smiled. 'You can stay for a little bit longer though.'

That wouldn't be bad especially when the visitor's presence was helping the patient to recover.

She left the room and closed the door behind her. Kouji heaved a sigh of relief the asked in annoyance, 'Why didn't she knock at least?'

Kouichi gave a small nod.

'I guess you should rest.'

'The only thing I am doing here is resting.'

The younger twin mock-glared. 'You call thinking and hurting yourself resting?'

Kouichi pouted cutely.

'I will visit you tomorrow, k?'

'Sure.' Deep down he wished his twin would stay with him tonight.

'I wish I could stay with you.' Here he was reading his thoughts again. That was getting awkward.

It didn't hurt much when his twin left after few minutes. There would be other chances to stay together and to talk about almost everything even if that would lead them to shed tears. Crying could relieve so much pain…especially when he knew that someone there would wipe his tears or even cry along with him.


End file.
